Hi Bestie, My partner and I are about to get married. We are both from divorced families and my last wish is to get divorced. I love my partner and want to have a great relationship. Any suggestions to get me on the right track the first time?
I personally love, love, love this question!
People often hesitate to ask this question. Because the assumption that “I don’t need to ask for help unless there is a problem”, or even worse, “If I ask for help, it means there is something wrong with our relationship.”
Both assumptions are wrong. Most of us have never learned how to build relationships. Sure, you’ve seen Hollywood movies, from fairy-tale romances to Hallmark’s emotionally overloaded movies, but those movies don’t teach you how to be in a real “relationship.”
Did you know that, on average, couples spend more money on wedding attire than on marriage education throughout their marriage?
So let’s do a quick comparison. Growing up, we watched our parents drive. Does that mean you automatically know how to drive? No! You have an idea, you’ve seen someone else try it, you’ve also witnessed someone else’s bad habits.
So usually when you’re ready to drive, you have to learn. By having others or professionals teach you these skills and learning the basics, you’ll build on those skills and become a decent driver for years to come (yeah, overnight not possible).
Well, the relationship is the same.
Seeking help and guidance is not a sign of failure or weakness, it is a sign of strength and growth.
Do you know how to build relationships? No! you have an idea You’ve seen others try, and you’ve witnessed other people’s bad relationship habits.
So why not take the time to reach out to others and professionals as you learn how to build relationships?
I hope more people will do so as separation and divorce rates will drop significantly.
Communication is the foundation of a strong foundation in a relationship.
Most of all, we need to learn how to communicate in relational ways that are different from our everyday communication.
You have to learn how to trust.
You need to learn how to stand on your own while being a solid unit.
Mutual respect and understanding must be learned.
We need to be open to our partners’ perspectives while finding ways to work together towards mutual solutions, and vice versa.
You should create goals together and take steps to reach them.
They should touch each other regularly.
You have to learn how to love your partner the way they need to be loved and teach them how they need to be loved.
And above all, don’t stop dating your partner. Always find time for each other. If you can’t find time for each other, someone else might.
Remember that asking for help and guidance is not a sign of failure or weakness.It is a sign of strength and growth.
It’s an opportunity to learn to grow together, not apart. After all, everyone deserves to have a great relationship while they are together. I wish you all the best for your upcoming wedding and relationship.
your best friend,
Amanda Lambros A sexologist and relationship coach with almost 20 years of experience who takes pride in her “no BS” approach to solving your problems. She is a certified speaking expert. He is also the author of several books on relationships, health and business that have sold over 150,000 copies.
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Hey Bestie: Both of our parents are divorced. Does this mean our relationship is also doomed?
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