I am in a long-term relationship with a partner that I respect but I don’t love. | | relationship

I have been in an intimate relationship with my girlfriend for 3 years. All this time I knew she loved me more than I loved her. But she’s kind and honest and smart and she doesn’t want to lose her so I thought I’d spend more time building a relationship hoping my feelings would change over time. , I think I made a mistake. She didn’t have many friends to her and she couldn’t even form relationships with my friends.

She is very vulnerable and lives far from her family. She repeats and says I am all she cares about. A few months ago we became flatmates and that made things even more complicated. I think she will be devastated if I break up with her. But despite the respect I have for her, I’m not in love with her.

How should this end? Now that I am moving to work in another country, I thought I would gradually let her know that her relationship was not working out, but given her vulnerability and loneliness, I felt the need to do so. do you have?

Eleanor says: You sound clear about what you want to do. you want to leave But I also know that just wanting to leave doesn’t mean you’ll actually leave. Many people have fallen into the space you are in now. Knowing that the breakup conversation causes pain, we put it off, and while we are functionally deceiving the other person as to whether we want them, we act on their behalf. We believe ourselves to be essential. I don’t know how she will cope.

The truth is, the way to really hurt someone – to really damage them – is to stay when you don’t want to.

you don’t love this woman You are clear about that about me and yourself. And the thing is, she can probably already tell you when someone is really looking forward to you—when they miss and want you and are excited about your future together. It’s not hard to tell. The real warmth from person to person shines through the space between them. One can know when that warmth is gone. conspicuous absence. If you admire her the most, she must already feel the emptiness of your relationship.

You’re right that a breakup hurts her. But so is the steady buildup of nights spent wondering if she’s imagining things. It’s so bright and clear to you every time you ask her out that you’re not.

Also, think about what life could be like for her, even if she’s never felt abnormal. Now you say all she cares about is someone who doesn’t love her back you’re doing her no favors by helping her stay there . You write about her with respect and respect for her – those feelings that make her unwilling to stop being with someone else who really loves her, or at least find out the truth about her It should mean that you don’t want to stop.

You may find that leaving is a way to serve her. Sometimes the wrecks in life we ​​have are just what it takes to beat the better. It might surprise both of you at how much you can endure.

Of course, she might instead fall apart and say you did something terrible. Don’t confuse consideration with consideration. If you’re worried about exacerbating her vulnerability and loneliness, staying isn’t such a harmless option.

It takes courage, optimism, and great hope to make such a big life decision. Have that hope not only for yourself, but also for your girlfriend.

I am in a long-term relationship with a partner that I respect but I don’t love. | | relationship

Source link I am in a long-term relationship with a partner that I respect but I don’t love. | | relationship

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