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“I’m so worried about money and my wife doesn’t understand why.”

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Resident sexologist this week Isaiah McKimmy Listen to a man whose wife doesn’t understand him Cost of living concern.

question: I’m very worried about money and my wife doesn’t seem to understand why. I explained to her that her mortgage, bills, and groceries were all up, so she needed to watch her spending and discuss big purchases.

But when I got home two days ago, she bought a brand new laptop and invited the kids to a movie and dinner.

I ripped her apart in front of the kids, which was wrong, but I was so fine. I showed her our bank account. She knows we don’t have the money, but she continues to use it.

What should I do to make her understand?

answer: Money issues are a stressful topic for many couples. It is one of the most common issues couples argue. you are definitely not alone.

Believe it or not, I’ve seen couples with different incomes disagree and argue about money and spending. It may seem so, but having more money doesn’t necessarily stop couples from arguing over how to spend it.

You looked at your bank account and said “you know we don’t have money”, but that doesn’t mean she understands how much money you have. . You seem to have different perspectives on spending and saving money.you need to to understand each other We will work on this as a team to ensure there is no more friction between you.

how to talk about money in a relationship

You can have different perspectives on topics like money and still have happy and lasting relationships. how You talk about this and work together to make a difference.

Here are some tips and questions to support you.

Aim for understanding before agreeing to action

Money may seem like a “logical”, black and white issue, but in reality it is a very emotional topic and there are many different approaches to it. Differences in values ​​and life experiences influence how we feel about money and our beliefs about how we spend it.

By aiming to understand each other’s different points of view, we can find ways to be compassionate and compromise with each other.

don’t criticize

When we are upset about a problem in our relationship, we often let our partner know through criticism. Criticism can erode the relationship over time and lead your partner to shut out what you say. Be careful not to criticize her approach. Instead, talk about your feelings and aspirations.

share your hopes and aspirations

Underneath every frustrations in a relationship lies a hope or longing for imagining how things could be. It paves the way for us to work together as a team.

ask questions to understand

In your question, I often hear you trying to “explain” your wife and make her understand your point of view. I can understand how painful her expenses are to you, but if you want to make meaningful changes in your relationship, she needs to listen to her opinion as well.

Over 40 years of research into happy relationships shows that to truly influence your partner, you need to listen to them and accept their perspectives as well. If you start an argument just to get someone to do it, you’re going to have a hard time.

Your wife thinks she agrees with what you say to avoid further difficult arguments, but she may not actually agree. Ask her questions and understand her point of view. You can find a compromise by trying.

reach a temporary compromise

We don’t always get everything we want in a relationship. The compromise I use is not each giving up something, but finding a solution that meets the needs of both in the best possible way.

Agreed solutions don’t have to be finalized forever. It is better to agree for a period of time and then reconsider.

Compromises include agreeing to save to meet a goal before easing spending, or agreeing on a spending budget between what you want and what she wants, and getting where you are financially in a few months. may include agreeing to correct any

Helpful Questions to Ask Each Other About Finances

The following questions will help you get a clearer understanding of each other’s views on money and spending.

• What was the financial situation of the house you grew up in? How do you think this affected you?

• Do you have core beliefs, ethics, or values ​​about money?

• How do you feel about this issue?

• How would you like us to handle money together?

• What are your fear and disaster scenarios when it comes to money?

• What are our long-term financial hopes and goals?

• What are our common goals on this issue?

• How can we reach those goals?

• How can we compromise on this (even temporarily)?

If you continue to struggle with this issue, I recommend contacting a couples therapist to help you talk about this issue without causing conflict.

Isiah McKimmie is a couples therapist, sexologist, sex therapist and lecturer. To book a session with her, her website Also follow her on instagram Seeking advice on relationships, sex, and intimacy.

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